i'm always a little disappointed in myself when i think of how americanized by life has become again in the 3 years since i was in france. by americanized i mean running up to wal-mart and buying some crappy thing with no personality just because it's cheap, or going through the drive-through at wendy's rather than taking the time to cut up an apple and some funky little cheese. i spent an hour in world market the other night, just wandering and browsing and letting my thoughts wander as well. it was really refreshing to feel like the liveliness i felt in france can be somewhat reciprocated here... all it would take is a little more time and a little less procrastination. living more intentionally.i'd be the first in line to pack up my husband and puppy to move to some rural grassy expanse in provence to make candles and watch my (future) kids play in lavender fields all day. who wouldn't want to open the windows to this every day? of course that's not my reality for now (and might not ever be), but why does it feel sometimes like it costs more to live a more simple life?
maybe that's ultimately my goal in making things, in the restless need to create that i'm always feeling. to savor the waning days of when things weren't so hurried, so rushed, and so immediate. when things lasted and were treasured. so even though i didn't plan to make resolutions this january, maybe there's the makings of one... to try to loosen myself a bit from the clutches of relentless consumerism. to shop at the flea market more. to spend more time creating than i do just thinking about creating.
i miss... yogurt in little terra cotta jars ::: buying fruit at the market on sunday mornings ::: tea and girly chats late at night with my roommates ::: being able to survive an entire year without a car and never having to buy gas ::: walking everywhere ::: h&m ::: pain au chocolat fresh out of the oven ::: real letters and the excitement of packages from home ::: little suede bags of fountain pens ::: citron presse ::: and dogs. everywhere.
pontouf would love it.